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QUESTION #1:
问题1：
* Do we share a common life purpose?
我们有共同的生活目标吗？
Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.
为什么这点这么重要？让我们这样来看：如果你结婚了二十或三十年，这是和别人一起生活的很长一段时间。这么长的时间你计划和另一个人做些什么？旅游，吃喝或一起慢跑？你们需要分享更深入更有意义的东西。你们需要一个共同的生活目标。
Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. 50 percent of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life bottom line -and marry someone who wants the same thing.
婚姻中会发生两件事情。你们一起成长，或者分别成长。50%的人是分别成长的。要让婚姻运行正常，你需要知道你对生活的要求的底线——并且和与你要求相同的人结婚。

QUESTION #2:
问题2：
* Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?
我在对这个人表达感情和想法时是否觉得安全？（心有戚戚啊）
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.
这个问题反映的核心问题是你们的关系的质量。觉得安全说明你可以开诚布公地和这个人沟通。有良好沟通的基础是信任——就是，相信我不会因为诚实地表达了我的感情和想法而受到“惩罚”或伤害。我的一个同事把会口出恶言之人定义为让你害怕对他表达感情和想法的人。在这一点上要对自己诚实。要确定你和你准备与之结婚的人在一起时情绪上觉得安全。

QUESTION #3:
问题3：
* Is he/she a mensch?
他/她是否是一个令人尊敬的人？
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing".
一个令人尊敬的人是灵敏且有教养的。你能怎样测试呢？这里有一些建议。他们的个人成长经历是否基于一个正规的基础？他们是否注重自我完善？我的一个老师定义好人为“总是努力向善和做正确的事的人。”
So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time?
Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth, and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.
所以问你自己另一个有意义的问题：他们是怎么利用他们的时间的？
这个人是个物质主义者吗？通常一个物质主义者不会是个首要目标是人格完善的人。世界上基本上有两种人：致力于个人成长的人和致力于寻求舒适生活的人。把舒适生活当作人生目标的人会把个人安乐放在做正确的事情之前。你需要在走向神坛之前知道这一点。

QUESTION #4:
问题4：
* How does he/she treat other people?
他/她是怎样对待他人的？
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed?
To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as a waiters, busdrivers, taxi-drivers, etc. How do they treat friends and colleagues? How do they treat parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you--who can't do nearly as much for them! You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.
保持一段良好的关系最重要的一点是给的能力。这里说的给予，我们指的是给予他人快乐的能力。问自己：他是一个乐于给他人快乐的人还是酷爱自己只关注自身利益的人？
为了判断这点，要考虑以下问题：他们是怎样对待那些不是不得不去对他们好的人的？例如服务生、公交车司机、出租车司机等。他们是怎样对待朋友和同事的？怎么对待父母和兄弟姐妹？他们对别人有感激和欣赏的感情吗？如果他们不对给予他们一切的人们存感激之情的话，你也无法期待他们对你——一个还不能像那些人那样给予他那么多的人，存有感激之情。你可以确信如果一个人对待别人吝啬，最终也会这样对待你。

QUESTION #5:
问题5：
* Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married.
我是否希望在婚后改变这个人的某些地方？
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage .... for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.
太多人犯了抱着在婚后要”改善“对方的打算的希望而结婚的错误。正如我的一个同事指出的：”你可以期望某人在婚后改变……变得更糟！“如果你不能完全接受这个人现在的样子，那么你还没有作好和他结婚的准备。

CONCLUSION
结论
In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.
作为结论，约会不一定得是困难和靠不住的。关键是多用你的头脑而少用你的心来引导自己。当约会时要尽可能的客观，要确定问自己那些能帮助自己得出关键结论的问题。
Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.
坠入爱河是种强烈的感情，但是当你手上戴着婚戒醒来时，你不会希望发现自己因为没有作好功课而处于不幸中。